The night was chilly and I found myself walking in the dark. No moonlight and the streetlights seemed to be few and far between. Not sure what possessed me to walk in this isolated area at night but something told me not to go home just yet.

As I looked up ahead I noticed a figure in the shadows. I would not say fear gripped me at that moment but I sure did become a little anxious. As I approached the figure stepped into my path and stretched out a hand. Obviously a man, very scruffy beard with hair to match. His clothes were tattered and his face weathered and cracked from what I imagined was constant exposure to the elements.

My first instinct was to reach out my hand as well, but instead I withdrew and walked clear of him. He spoke saying hello and I returned the greeting and kept walking. He called to me wanting to know if he could walk with me. Said he had gotten lost and was afraid that he would be singled out and attacked by hoodlums simply because of what he was. I ignored him and continued on, picking up my pace. After a short distance I looked back to see him disappear back into the shadows. What had I just done? Was it not in my best interest to protect myself? I convinced myself I could have done nothing for him and made my way home.

Two days later I awoke and retrieved my newspaper. As I sat down to my morning coffee I began perusing the paper. I noticed a small article in the police report section that caught my eye. It seemed that some young thugs had beaten up an elderly homeless man, something that seems to be a common occurrence in some sections of town. This one was different though. The street where the man was found just happened to be the very street I had been walking on just two nights earlier. Could it be? Suddenly I felt sick. I read on and the story indicated the man was in County General Hospital in stable but guarded condition. Could I have prevented this? All I had to do was allow him to join me for the short walk I had left. I could have even given him a ride to wherever he needed to go back to once we got back to my place. Or would I be right there with him in the hospital? I had seen no one else that night as I continued the 12 blocks or so to my home.

I had always considered myself a Christian, a man in touch with God, but somehow my heart at that moment seemed very unchristian. God presented me with an opportunity and I dismissed it and justified it by creating unfounded security concerns. I was certain of one thing, I needed to ask God for forgiveness and I had to atone for my actions. I also needed to reevaluate my perception of what it means to be a good Christian.

What exactly does it mean to be good? Is good merely the absence of bad? Sure was beginning to look like good is pure and simple that which is right in the eyes of God and everything else is bad!

I decided I better figure this all out and pretty quick! What better way to really understand what is in my heart than to force myself to reveal it? So I sat out on a mission, not really knowing exactly what it was and almost fearing what I would find out.

Spring rolled around and I began walking more and more, thinking that I needed to meet people and judge my reaction to them based on my initial impression of them. I began wandering aimlessly or so it would appear to an observer and just watched people and their habits. I would occasionally speak to some and some would respond and some would not. No one ever spoke to me first. I suppose the urban environment had much to do with that. One day as I made my way to the park I noticed what appeared to be a homeless man sitting on a bench just watching the people walk by and even sometimes greeting them. He seemed harmless enough, but I noticed that many people had done as I had done several months earlier. They avoided him, perhaps from fear, perhaps from disgust. No way to tell for sure but the latter was more likely than the former.

I observed a young woman and a small girl walk by the old man and he winked at the little girl and made a funny face at her. The child giggled and the woman suddenly became a little indignant and told the little to ignore him. They sat on a bench a short ways from the old man and the little girl ran off to play. Before long I noticed she worked her way over to the old man and sat on the bench, not next to him but at the other end.

My goodness that little girl could talk! She must have asked a hundred questions of the old man in a very short time span. But I noticed he paid close attention to her and answered every one. My thoughts began to turn to danger. Was I being too cautious? It was the middle of the afternoon and there were people everywhere so what could happen? Seemed my own fears still were present and I was so unsure of the need for them.

It did not take long for the young woman to notice that the girl was talking to the old man and she walked briskly and purposefully to the child. She grabbed her by the hand and whisked her away and I heard her tell the girl to stay away from him, because he was a bad man. I also saw the look on the old man's face as I know he heard it as well. Now, I am all for protecting our children but I am not sure she had a right to tell the girl the man was bad. Listen to me, the one that immediately placed the girl in harm's way. What was I discovering about myself? Am I a good person? Do I really love my fellow man as I claim I do? If those were test questions I began to see a failing grade in my future. Actually my present as well.

So how did I differ from the child? She did not seem to feel any danger whatsoever. Was it naïve innocence? Or was she exhibiting true love for people. Trust until there is reason not to. The man was nice to her and she seemed to be enjoying his company. And he was pleasant to her always remaining at his end of the bench and appearing to just enjoy having another human being to talk to. Even if it was a child. I felt shame.

I approached the bench and sat down. We both sat silent for a few awkward minutes when he finally broke the silence with a hearty good afternoon. I turned to look at him and replied but something seemed very familiar about this man. He had some fairly new scars on his forehead and one on his cheek just under the right eye. I could not believe my eyes. I just knew this was the same man I had encountered that night on the empty streets. I did not mention it to him.

I asked how he was doing that day. He actually said he was great. The sun was warm and the gentle breeze felt good on his skin. I thought, how can he feel so good about such a life of misery? After making some small talk for about 15 minutes I asked him if he wanted something to eat. He thanked me but declined. I was shocked actually. He explained that he had plenty of money for food and clothing if he wanted either. He had been lucky enough to have a period in his life where he had an important job and made a good living. But the life of worry and pressure just did not suit him. He opted to sell his home and take to the streets. It turns out this man was very smart, very articulate and very happy with his life, although a bit unkempt. We chatted for about 2 hours and I had to leave. I thought about him later that night and wondered where he was sleeping. Then is struck me, he was sleeping where he wanted to sleep.

We saw each other many times throughout the summer months right there in the park. I had asked him if he wanted to clean up at my place and he declined. Again I was shocked, but then it hit me. He had found happiness regardless of whether it fit my definition or not. Why should I question that? I also asked him if he knew God. He looked at me like I was from another planet. He broke into a smile and said quite forcefully, "Yes indeed I know God!" He placed his hand over his chest and said, "God is right here with me all the time. He directs my every deed, my every thought." Without warning, he blurted out, "I remember you! A dark chilly night many months ago, I asked for your help and you declined to help me. I cannot blame you for your apprehension. I do not appear to be worthy of help. What do you think of what I just said?" I looked at him and said, "Every man is worthy of help. What I did was wrong and I have agonized about it for months wondering how I could atone for my behavior."

He said, "We are friends are we not?" I replied, "Yes, yes we are." His response, "Then you have atoned for it, because I have needed a friend to talk to. As for you and God that is between you two, but He gave you another opportunity and this time you did not squander it. Seems to me that is exactly what He wanted from you. Do not spend one more minute agonizing over the past. You are forgiven and you have learned and grown as a person because of it."

We parted company that day and I could not help but reflect on our conversation. God really does work in mysterious ways. The very situation that caused my anxiety in the first place turned out to be the beginning of God's plan to bring me back to where I belong. And what an awesome journey it was. I had a new friend and did not care what anyone else thought of him. I knew him and that is what counts more than anything else.

We all have lessons to learn in life. Pay attention, God is trying to teach you!!!