Monday, September 11, 2006

I love late summer and early autumn. The night air is crisp and cool, not bone chilling cold but just cool enough to make bare skin get those goosebump things. I like to stand on my back deck and look at the dark night sky. I am fascinated by the moon. I see that old familiar face that my childhood friends and I always looked for when we were out at night. Somehow, he seems older now, as though he has aged with me. Like me he is waning. Five years ago I might not have even noticed him, but my perception has changed these past years. I notice lots of things that I had forgotten from my childhood. The furry creatures in the woods, the beauty of a tree and the wonder of nature in general as I gaze out on this thing we call earth, these things I notice again. I had lost my way, worried about material things, ignoring the spiritual, living only for the physical. Four years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL). From that day on I realized just how precious all these things really are. I worked from 9-5 everyday of my life, rarely took vacations, and just did not keep in touch with the real treasures of life. I did not consider that I neglected my family, but one thing I do now that I always should have done is hug them every day and tell them I love them. I have considered that cancer is not a death sentence for me but instead an awakening. I feel more alive than I have in years. I know it is fleeting but the reality is life is fleeting for everyone. I recently joined a forum http://www.cllforum.com that has given me an opportunity to meet a great many wonderful people that also have CLL. They are supportive, spiritual, and in general the nicest people I have ever had the good fortune to meet. I love them all. It seems such a shame that a terrible disease is most likely the only reason we all know each other. But at the same time, I am very glad to have found them. I do not yet know exactly what I want to do with this blog. Most of the time I will just ramble about what is on my mind. I do not even know yet if I will make an entry every day, but I will always try to keep the interval to less than a week between posts. I welcome comments about the things I write. Say what you feel not what I want to hear. I will do the same. Take care and be well. See ya later.

6 comments:

John Wagner said...

Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging! A GREAT start! I look forward to reading your ruminations. You have already expressed some of my own thoughts, but much better than I could have.

Denise said...

Hi Loren -

(He's not senile, don't believe a word of it!) Great to see you started a blog! I look foward to following along.

Regards from a fellow CLLer and Swabbie,
Denise

Anonymous said...

Hi Loren,

Glad to see you started a Blog.From what I know of you from the CLL Forum,you are bald and senile and did I mention senile?

Really you are one of the nicest people I have met online and I look forward to reading what is in that bald head of your's (Besides marbles,LOL).

May God richly Bless you with better health ahead for you and Brenda.

Take Care,
Deb

Steve Madden said...

Loren

I look forward to reading your ruminations.

Take care baldy
Steve

David Arenson said...

Loren,

Glad to have you as a fellow culprit in the dissemination of pointless information!

Seriously, though, your first post is a nice start. Congrats on your new blog.

David

Anonymous said...

Loren,

Wow! I'm impressed with your insights. I am Ian from the CLL Forum. Senile in a pig's eye. You're intellegent (and spell better than me) lol, and many of the things you've said about life are things that I have questioned for my entire adult life.
My "logical" conclusion about God is that we are all bonded together with a energy that's so much bigger than any of us..... that binding to me is God. We can direct energy, cure illnesses by doing so, and literally change the world. There must be groups doing work in this area. I find that when I come up with something that lifts me, someone else has too.
My teaching is that God will judge and send us to one of two places.
I can't remember who said it but this statement makes sense. "The good that men do lives after them, and the evil is intered with their bones".
I am happy for you that you have a deck to contemplate the universe. I live in Central Phoenix and we see very few stars because of the lights.
I'm so grateful that you shared your blog addy with me.
I will read your every blog. I noticed that one of your responders has a pic on the reply. I am going to try that as an insert. nope... that's not it. Looks like I need to sign up... will do now.
Ian L Hurst