I have struggled for many years wondering why I cannot give in to destiny. It seems I have one, I just do not know what it is. Does God exist? It is not clear to me yet if God is an entity or rather a place in my mind that allows me to cope with life. I have met many people whom have given in to the concept of God as an entity. Why can't I? What am I lacking? It must be the ability to have faith. Faith in my fellow man, faith in God, they are both feelings that escape me for some reason. I do not think the human race deplorable, but I do see an awful lot of mean perhaps even evil folks in the world. How that can be? Was I ever one of them? Am I still one of them? I like to think not, but if my understanding is correct that is not good enough. Maybe I am not recognizing God's presence. I do know I am not yet at peace.

I am pleased with the wonder of nature, yet I am in awe of its raw power. Did this all happen by chance? Seems unlikely, but the idea of creation seems almost as unlikely. Do I abandon any and all belief that God exists? Am I to believe that living an exemplar life and treating people with respect is of no value if I do not except God in my heart? Seems unfair. But perhaps not since it is a conscience choice I have made.

Most people of faith I have encountered in my life are terrific people. They are warm, caring, loving and some of the nicest folks on this planet. I like them and sometimes love them. I am inspired by their conviction especially when it seems less and less popular to hold those convictions. Of course there are always exceptions. Those who feel they are justified in their hatred for that which they believe God has given them the right to hate. I do not think God has given any such mandate to anyone. At least that is what I choose to believe.

Do I sound a bit confused to you? You are not alone. Most of my friends accept me as I am, regardless of my beliefs or lack of them. I reciprocate that acceptance. It is possible that one day I will get my answers. I do hope that it is not too late when I get them.

This may sound like a plea for help, but in fact you cannot really help me. This is something I must resolve on my own. Until such time that I reconcile this in my own mind I would ask only for your support. I already know that you will give it to me unconditionally. And that alone just may make all the difference.

I am a bit reticent to post this, but I have decided it is part of who and what I am. Thus I will follow through with it. I know such topics can be divisive and on occasion cause fear and loathing. Sometimes they have caused wars, but that I will leave for another thread.

I welcome comments one way or the other.

Take care and be well.